She's just broken inside
by Jeca1347
Summary: Jesse is the normal, nerdy guy at Barden Ridge High School. Lately a certain girl has caught his attention. Cue Beca Mitchell. A girl intruiging to Jesse as the the stars are to an infant. Watch Jesse as he gets deeper into Beca's past and arrives at a place most people have never made it into. (First Fanfic) ((THIS MAY TRIGGERING FOR SOME PEOPLE. MATURE STUFF.)) ((SHORT CHAPTERS))
1. Chapter 1

As the loud, sneering bell sounds in the halls, it unleashes the excited bunch of wild dogs- otherwise known as high school students. They all jump up into the air, smacking it with their fists as if it's the person who invented school. Screaming, "yeah!" and "fuck this!" as they go along, the spill over the steps all going in different directions to their humble abode.

Jesse's one of these nerdier (yet cute) idiots. Walking with his friends, Benji and Donald, over to Starbucks. Their conversation consists of school activities and what happened after lunch.

"What was with Stacie and you today? It was like you too couldn't stop licking each other's faces it was gross, bro." Jesse asks as the find a seat nearest the window.

"Well dude, once you have a smoking hot girlfriend like me, maybe then you'll understand." Donald responds sipping his PSL (which is what they call a Pumpkin Spice Latte).

Benji enlightens them with his cute crush story about a girl named Chloe. Chloe Beale. She's a ginger and she hangs out with Stacie (aka, the biggest slut in school) and Amy Williams (likes to get called Fat Amy).

"I talked to her today, after English. We got paired up for a project," he says as he plays with his green straw.

Jesse looks across the street and spots a girl. Beca Mitchell. A brunette with shoulder length hair, blue eyes and of a small stature. She's always got these headphones on that are too big for her, and to Jesse, it's so adorable. She's either looking off into the distance or on her MacBook doing something. He's always wanted to know what keeps her so busy. What is she always doing? She never speaks and her facial expression reads: "Don't fucking approach me or you'll end up with a knife in your asshole." He likes that. He's never really spoken to her. Unless you count him singing to her in a cab going past her house communication. But the thing Jesse is really intrigued by is her eyes. Her eyes are a deep shade of blue and sparkle when she's happy, and darken or loose their twinkle when she's down.

"Hey! DUDE!" Jesse's snapped out of his thoughts by Donalds snapping finger in his face.

"Ahh, I see what you're looking at," Donald says smirking at Jesse's blush, "you're checking out Beca Mitchell."

"Beca Mitchell? HAVE YOU HEARD THE RUMORS?" Benji mentions as he nearly chokes on his drink due to her name being mentioned.

Jesse snaps his head to Benji in order to hear this wonderful news about this girl that intrigues him.

"She's really into music but she has a bad history. She once punched a guy so hard, he fell into a coma cause' she damaged his brain cells or something." Jesse shakes his head pitifully. He's going to make her see that he's not just some cute nerdy boy that hangs out in an all boys' A cappella group. Yeah, he SO doesn't get made fun of.

Later, they take the bus home and Beca effin Mitchell decides to jump on too. She sits in the seat across from the three seated bench, the dudes are occupying. She's on her phone, no smile. She probably doesn't have a boyfriend. Cause girls around her age are ALWAYS talking to their boyfriends and smiling at their phones. But then again, Beca isn't a normal girl. Jesse's known that from the moment he's laid his eyes on her.

She places her phone in her lap and breathes a heavy sigh. Her lip is lined with reddish-pinkish lipstick and her eyes are put into a smokey eye effect. Donald and Benji are in their own world talking about how they're going to rule the world, so Jesse decides to make a move.

"Hi," he says as he slides next to her, "I'm Jesse Swanson," he says with a smile, extending his hand forward to greet her. She accepts it and replies, "Beca Mitchell." She looks down at his face then gives him a small smile.

"You got some interesting friends," she says as she glances over at the two other idiots explaining how each and every car is made out of mechanical gears and such.

"Yeah, they're great if you know them well…what are you listening to?" He gestures to her huge, Beatz headphones.

"Oh just some mashups," she says looking down and regarding it as something worthless.

"Can I take a listen?" She nods and hands it to him. He bobs his head along to the beat and smiles at her. It's a mashup or Style by Taylor Swift and Love Me like You Do by Ellie Goulding. The tempo carries on throughout the song and each verse is beautifully paced and sped up perfectly. He removes and them and asks: "Who did this? It's amazing."

She smiles as she responds, showing him her perfect teeth, "I did."

"Wow..." he mutters, staring at her. She suddenly looks up from where she's seated.

"Well this is my stop," she says getting up off her seat, "see you tomorrow."

Jesse waves wordlessly and scoots against the window to get a better look at her house. It possesses blue walls, with a front porch painted white and classy chairs placed outside. The front lawn looks well cared for and has roses growing on the sides. He glances up to what appears to be her room, which is a little window and inside he can see a Mac computer set up and music equipment in the back. And the best thing is, it's only a few blocks away from his house.

* * *

When Jesse got home he laid himself on his bed, in a blue sweatshirt and boxers he couldn't stop thinking about Beca. The way her blue, ocean like eyes glistened when he said he liked her mixes. Those eyes, looked like they hid secrets, those eyes looked as though they have seen the worst kind of pain. Those eyes were beautiful. Whatever those secrets were, it made her show she was.

Beca was going through the same dilemma. She sat at her desk, pointlessly playing with the cursor of her laptop; unable to form a beat. Why? She couldn't shake the thoughts for Jesse Swanson. How his eyes were a dark shade of brown yet they captivated her. How he was (and she would never admit this) hot. And the mere thought that he liked her mixes made him come off much sweeter. " _What's wrong with me?_ " she thought to herself. She wasn't THAT girl. That girl who drapes herself over a dude that she's only checked out about five times in P.E. (shut up.)

Her thoughts were interrupted by a slight knock on her door. "Hey sweetie," it was her father, "I got Shiela downstairs, we're gonna go for ice cream. Want to join?" Shiela was Beca's stepmother. And her dad's mistress. He abandoned her Beca's mother and her when she was just seven years of age. Sheila was bubbly, _young,_ beautiful and blonde. She's always tried to get on Beca's good side, but has never exceeded in doing so. To Beca, Shiela will always be the Other Woman. She'll never call her mom, always known as Shiela or Step Monster.

"No thanks, I gotta study for a History paper tomorrow." Beca side-glance from her computer. Her father sighed, "Well have fun, Becs. Good luck."

He closed the door and left with Shiela

Beca closed her eyes and sighed as she remembers the long nights she used to wait. For her beloved father to come play with her. While she was out with Shiela of course. She quickly switched off her computer, laid her headphones down and got up. She fell to her bed, bringing her knees to her chest as the silent tears began to roll. Her memories of her appalling child hood flooding her head and making her sob and wail into her chest. Her mascara making tear marks on her sheets.

 _THIS,_ is why she thinks she's too difficult to love. She has too much baggage. Too much for anyone to handle. She's just broken on the inside of that hard exterior.


	2. Chapter 2

A few nights had past since that night and Beca grew more an more aware of Jesse Swanson. He started sitting with her on the school bus more. Honestly, she'd never admit this, but he made her laugh ( "You're an idiot!" she said laughing). He's such an oversharer of detail and wants to show Beca the endless pile of movies he has stored up in his room. After a massive pro's and con's list Jesse had to draw up, she finally agreed one faithful day. That day was ofcourse, a Friday. Jesse-Fucking-Swanson was bouncing in anticipation.

"God, Swanson you like an eight year old getting ice cream! Stop!" Beca exclaimed in complete in embarrasment.

"No way! I need to get you to watch _The Breakfast Club._ It's an amazing movie, you'll enjoy it! And stop frowning cause I'll make you go from hating movies to loving them within seconds, Mitchell!" Jesse said smiling that dorky smile, that made couldn't help Beca from smiling back at him. He was such an idiot, but this idiot was special.

When they arrived at Jesse's house, Beca gawped at the sight. Jesse was FUCKING RICH. His gates were black, tall railings with a swirly combination emblem of the letters H and S. That probably meant "House of Swanson" or something shit like that. Beca was smart but not one to jump to conclusions.

Jesse practically left off his seat, turning to Beca and smiling.

"C'mon?" he extended his hand but made denied his gentleman like class and made her way out the bus herself. She didn't like being touched.

Somehow, the gates finally opened and displayed Jesse's small mansion. His gaarden was big enough to be considered as a field.

 ***JESSE'S ROOM***

Jesse turned the nob leading to his room. Beca tried not to laugh at his blue _Flash_ sheets.

"Keep quiet Mitchell. I bet you're room's worse. You probably have Barbie covers." Beca laughed and played along sarcastically.

"The best Barbie sheets ever. Mariposa sheets. You'd like em. Do you want to trade nerd?" She replied sharply. Jesse shook his head in pure entertainment and smiled at Beca. _"Nerd?"_ Seriously? He needs a better nickname.

Beca stands uselessly staring at him bed sheets. Jesse notices and gestures for her to sit down. As she does Jesse can see how tiny she really is. How small she is compared to the bed. He could sleep _AND_ cuddle her in there. Why would he be cuddling her though? What if they? Oh yes...Imagine her bre-

"Jesse?" Jesse is snapped out of this haze.

"Why are you staring my boobs?" She said with a hard look.

"I wasn't, I was looking at your necklace," Damn you're lucky Swanson, "it's cool."

"Thanks..."

* * *

As they're lying down in his bed, settling for just watching the ending cause Beca can't stop asking questions, she glances at him from the corner of her eye. She thinks it's adorable how he mouths the words. How he raises his fist slightly at the end.

"You're missing the ending.." he says getting iritated that she's staring at him instead of the movie. Wait. Should he be iritated?

"Sorry," she looks back at the screen but now he's staring at her. So the sensible thing to do is stare back. So she does. Their heads move closer, their lips just brush my Beca pulls back.

"Um..sorry...I...um.." She's breathing fast and she's shaking her leg in a nervous manner. GREAT MOVE JESSE. You scared her away.

"I gotta' get home. Thank you for letting me watch the movie. I'll see you Monday."

He runs up behind her as she exits the house,"Hey, I'll walk you home?"

Beca walks faster,"No it's alright, I got it."

Jesse just stops in his tracks and looks on at her. He swore he saw her eyes darken and a layer of water glazed across it.

"Bye Beca..." he whispers as he walks back to his house, ashamed of himself.

* * *

She couldn't take it anymore. As soon as she closed her door, she slid down and broke out in tears. Her head held in her hands as she sobbed and clenched her knees to her chest. She couldn't become that girl again. She was already hurt so much. She was already such a slut. She didn't need this. She can't deal with this. Jesse Swanson was cute and sweet, but could he handle her unbearable baggage?

* * *

 **A/N MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm leaving you in suspense! And anyway, thank you for the awesome feedback and I feel like this story IS gonna be good. It's my first story after all. What will that baggage be in the next chapter? STAY TUNED**

 **~Jeca1347 3**


	3. Chapter 3

Jesse couldn't deny it. He liked Beca. He liked the way her perfect lips smiled to reveal her perfect teeth. He liked how she tries to not laugh at Jesse's stupid antics. He likes how her smile lights up his entire day.

But there was a problem. She doesn't smile much. And if she does, it seems like a forced one. Why? What is Beca Mitchell hiding underneath? He's seen the her house from the outisde but has never dared to move yonder. " _What does her house look like? What does her room look like? What does she look like when she sleeps? Probably adorable"_ he thinks to himself while lying on his bed. It was nine o'clock. It was another Friday night, with the mistful air of summer breezing through. Although, Jesse never knew that since he was inside watching Friends, like a hermit. But he stopped. Cause he got a text. From Beca.

 _"Hey nerd."_

He licked his lips nervously before typing back. She NEVER texts him. She doesn't seem like the girl to text.

 _"BECAW...why are you interupting my Friends marathon?"_

Her response came back quickly as if she wanted to talk to him.

 _"Simple. I'm bored and you have nothing to do in your life but watch movies."_

Jesse chuckled. She's quite the charmer.

Then Jesse gets the idea that changed both their lives. Maybe he could take a walk there?

 _"Oh Beca. I'll entertain you...wait and see. ;)"_

* * *

Beca screwed her eyes at the message. _"What does he mean?"_

Then a stone made contact with her window making scary earspike Beca, jump for her life. She edged her way towards the window and spotted him. Standing outside her house, looking up at her was Jesse FUCKING Swanson. He had the nerve. He was standing there. With that goofy grin.

"JESUS CHRIST SWANSON! YOU GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!" Beca shouted down at him.

"Well you wanted entertainment, so here I am." He gestured to his physique.

"God, you're an idiot," she said smiling down at him,"come on nerd. Climb up the side."

After hearing Jesse's laboured grunts from climbing up he popped his head through her window.

"Nice place. May I come inside?" Such a gentleman. Beca nodded as he made his way through landing on her bed with a thud.

"Oh sorry. I hope your parents didn't hear that." He said with a smirk.

Beca stared at him seriously,"um, my dad's out of town for the weekend. So I'm alone here."

Her room was small, with a small little bathroom. Well it was small to Jesse, he lived in a huge house compared to Beca. Although, Beca's tiny so she'd suit small things.

Then Jesse saw something very scary. It was silver with drops of red on the rim. It was lying on her bedroom table. Next to it was a pile of toilet paper. Stained with blood. He looked at her face, noticing how she was wiping it and looking at her feet. _Was she crying? More importantly, were the blades for what he thinks they're for?_

* * *

 **A\N I am sorry this is so short :P I'm not really feeling the creative vide today X'D I hope you'll forgive me, and I love leaving you guys in cliffhangers because I love your reactions! 3 And thank you to all those people that reviewed and followed this story 3 Let's see what happens next time?**

 **-Jeca 1347 3**


	4. Chapter 4

He glanced up at her, he sees her furiously rubbing her eyes. He sees her long sleeves, pulled up all the way. He sees how she just stares at the floor brokenly. It breaks his heart to see a woman so strong, falling apart in front of has her head in her hands and he can see how her body is racking with sobs. He edges closer, unsure of what to say.

"Beca?" he places his hand gently on her shoulder, feeling her body tense up,"are you alright?"

She looks up at him, her face trying to mask so much pent up pain. But even though she's emotionally dying inside, she smiles. It's not of those sincere smiles where you can see in her eyes that she is REALLY smiling. It's a forced smile. Her lips are tight and her eyes are glazed over with tears, those eyes that captivate Jesse Swanson are no longer a soft shade of blue. They're a dark, broken blue with hints of insecurity. She bites her lip unable to control her tears.

 _He's an idiot. Why didn't he see that she was crying from down there? Maybe because it was dark and she's so tiny. Enough Swanson, you have to see what's going_ on.

"Beca, are you sure you're okay? You don't seem like it. And what's with those...?" He gestures to her nightstand with the razors with fresh blood on them.

Her eyes widen like saucers.

* * *

 _SHIT MITCHELL. HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID? NOW THIS NERD IS GOING TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU!_

She rushes forward quickly and quickly stretches forward to grab the items and put them in her drawer. As she does, her sleeve rolls up revealing her recent, deep, red cuts she made on her arm. She tried to ignore Jesse's gasp but her body froze. He could see her body convulsing, so he took matters into his own hands.

He hugged her. He hugged Beca Effing Mitchell. Of all the cold, moody and distant people, he decided to hug her. He felt her body tense up at first as his body first made contact with hers. Then he felt her arms moving. Maybe to slap him or push him. But no. They incircled Jesses chest and gripped tight to his t-shirt. He held her tight, never wanted to let go of her. He felt her body shaking in his arms. He heard her silent, yet heartbreaking whimpers she made into his chest. He felt the tears soak into his shirt. But he didn't care, his best friend was breaking; he really couldn't care about anything else.

Her legs grew weak, so her knees buckled inwards and she couldn't feel enough strength to hold onto him anymore. So she fell to the floor on her knees. She didn't care if her sleeves have suddenly ridden up, exposing her fresh cuts. She wasn't capable of caring anymore. She wanted to give up. Give up on everything.

He slumped down to her level, holding her shoulders as she racked her body.

"Jess.." she tried to speak through her emotions.

"I-*sob*-can't do-*sob*- this..." she couldn't do it anymore. She felt like shit. She couldn't speak. She began to cry uncontrollably, not bothering to hide the noises.

He shoved her head into his chest as she broke down. What she couldn't figure out was why she was trusting this nerd so much. Why was she not afraid to let out her emotions in front of him.

* * *

After about an hour, they sat in silence as Beca had her head in Jesse's chest, him stroking her hair as she played with his jacket.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" he said gently stroking his hand across her scarred wrist.

She hesitated as he waited patiently. She could see the love in his eyes. She could trust him, couldn't she?

* * *

 **A/N MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I LOOVE LEAVING YOU IN THESE CLIFFHANGERS X'DD Anyway, please don't kill me. This chapter was a short chapter promoting their eventual intimacy level grow. The next chapter will be HEAVY AS FUCK**

 **-Jeca1347**


	5. Chapter 5

"Well." she hesitated.

"What do you want to know?" she asked, not moving her head from looking at her legs.

"Why Beca? You're literally the most beautiful girl I laid my eyes on." he said holding her hand. Suddenly, the tension between them was gone. She could trust him. He wasn't going to leave. He was going to meant it.

"Okay..." she said, barely above a whisper. "I'll tell you." she shifted her position, bringing her legs up to her chest.

"My dad...he divorced my mom when I was about seven...he left one night and he never returned. He said he'd come back so we could play with each other. He was going to come back and play with me. But he never did." she paused sniffing as she wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she muttered.

"It's okay," he snaked his arm around her waist and held her there. He could feel how her body was shaking.

"Then my mother got really sick. She puked alot. She couldn't get up. I was only about eight at the time so I couldn't do much. Then one day she came home from work. She was drunk. So drunk. She told me that she never wanted me. She said that I was the mistake and the reason why my father left. I was so sad I slept outside, cause I didn't want to cause my mother any trouble. There was so much, and I just wanted to die. Knowing that your family is wrecked because of you is by far one of the worst feelings ever. My mother then found out where my dad was because he called her. He was with another woman. Her name was Shiela. So my mom sent me over there. My dad used to always go out with Shiela and leave me alone at home. I was nine..." she stopped. She bit her lip and tried her best not to sob outloud. Tears were rolling down her face.

Jesse's eyes were watering and was trying his best to hold it together for her. He kissed her temple. Normally, he would never do that, he'd get a huge slap across his face. But now, she was broken. Breaking down right infront of him.

"And then...*sob*...I went to his co workers house because he couldn't leave me alone that day since it was storming. He let me hang out with the co workers brother who was sixteen. He took me into this room and started hitting me and thrashing ...he took my pants off..."

"Oh Beca..." Jesse grabbed Beca and pulled her into him, her head falling to his chest as she sobbed. Her body was so heavy and small. He couldn't feel more sympathy for her. He liked this girl. So much. He couldn't bare to see her like this.

"He did it again and again, Jesse. And he started coming to my house and doing it. I was so scared." her hand was clutching his t-shirt willing herself not to cry outloud from the horrible pain she felt.

"When did he stop Beca?" he asked stroking her soft, brunette hair.

"When I was fifteen..." she dug her nails into her leg to get rid of the pain. Jesse saw this, and moved her hand away and rubbed the area with his palm.

"Shhh...it's okay Beca." he cooed her, stroking her hair as she her sobs turned to whimpers that soon turned into short gasps.

"I feel sick..." she removed herself from his hug and she ran to her bathroom. She fell to the floor and emptied her intestinal system. Jesse rushed to her tiny bathroom and rubbed her as he held her hair.

When she was done she fell back into him, unable to support her body anymore. He laid her in his lap, her head being tucked into her neck. She was so vulnerable.

"Jesse, I don't want to live anymore..." her body was limp and her voice was tired and exhausted. He was about to cry, this girl had so much held in. He wandered how she was still alive.

"No Beca. Don't say that. We'd all miss you," he kissed her temple again, "I'd miss you the most..."

"Jesse...how the fuck are you able to do this? Everyone else who knows just runs away. They all leave. I have to much baggage Jesse. Do you know how much I like you? But I don't want to admit because I'm going to push you away..."

"Beca, I like you too."

There was a silence. It wasn't awkward. It was comfortable.

Then she was back.

"This dead air between us is a good sign" she chuckled from his neck.

"Jesse?" she moved her head from his neck and looked up at him.

He turned his head, "Yes, Becs?"

She moved her head forward and brushed his lips slighty. She kissed him. It was a lingering peck, but still a kiss. Then...it turned into something else

* * *

 **A/N: OH MY FUCK. I COULDN'T HELP CRYING IN THIS. This was a tough chapter to write since it holds so many emotional trauma to Beca. People were going to kill me if I didn't update today X'D WARNING: THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE HOT AND HEAVY SO STAY TUNED!**

 **-Jeca1347 3**


	6. Chapter 6

She kissed him, she kissed Jesse Swason. His lips tasted like heaven. She stared at him, his eyes turning into a light shade of lust.

"Let's go to the bed." she said with a sexy, yet adorable smile on her face.

He lifted her arm in his arms, she was so tiny, and moved his way to the bedroom and laid her down on her bed. He sat down next to her, and as he did Beca sat up from her position and tasted his mouth. It wasn't a peck like before. It was a hot and heavy one, her tongue dancing around with his. She pushed him to a lying down position, straddling his waist and grinning down at him.

She began trailing kisses down his neck, nipping at his collar bone causing him to buck his hips into her, causing a devilish smile on her face. She started to unbutton his shirt, and it was off and on the floor within seconds. Her hands raked down his chest, relishing the feeling of his hot skin against her pale hands. She kissed down his chest and haulted at his abodomen, she stuck her tongue just before his pantline.

"Ohh Beca..." he sighed. He flipped them over and he was on top. He started trailing kisses down her neck as she moaned. His hands were feathering her sides and slowly riding her shirt up, it was just over her belly button when she held his hands.

"Jesse...there's some...scars there. It won't be..." she looked up at him, he could see how vulnerable she was. How her eyes looked insecure.

He pressed a kiss to her lips," Beca, you're literally the most beautiful I've ever seen. I don't care if they're scars there, it makes you who you are. It's what makes you beautiful." he broke out into a smile as he realised that he quoted One Direction.

She started giggling at his smile and uttered a "nerd" at him, before kissing him passionately.

He broke the kiss to take off her shirt and saw the outline of atleast twenty four scars, and her white bra. Her hands began to creep up her body to hide her shame, but he stopped her,"Stop it, you're beautiful." He began to kiss each scar tenderly, until he was ghosting just under bra line. He looked up at her for permission, before reaching behind her arched body to undo her clasp. He slowly took of the offending item and took in the sight of her breasts. They weren't big, but they weren't small. But they were perfect to him.

His hands gropped her breasts, causing her to hiss as the cold from his hands. He rolled and pinched her nipple, causing her to arch her chest into his playful hands.

"More, Jess..." she whimpered,"I need more..." at her request, he bit down on her nipple causing her to cry out. He sucks her breasts and playfully pops them as he moves down. She groans as he leaves her boobs, she was enjoying it.

He leaves hot, wet kisses as he trails down her body and does the same that she did to him. Instead, he hooks his fingers around her pajama pants and looks up for permission.

"Please Jesse." that's all he needed.

He threw her pants on the floor, and spread her legs wide and they naturally bent. He kissed her inner thighs as she gasped as he was inches away from where she needed him.

"Tell me what you want Becs?" he sexily inquired from inbetween her thighs.

She moans before she replies,"you..."

He immediately takes her panties off and takes a long lick up her slit, causing her to release a gasp. Her hips buck underneath him as he holds her hips down.

"Fuck!" she gasps as he sucks her clit. He reaches up to roll her nipples causing her moan loudly. He then moves away, and Beca nearly cried when he did so. He stuck his finger up her and she cried out. He chuckled as he began to suck her clit, crook his finger and massage her breasts.

"SHIT! FUCK. JESSE DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP." she screams as she rides his hand.

"FUCK! JESSE!" she screams as she reaches her climax.

Her body goes limp, and Jesse laps up her release turning him on even more.

"Your turn." she says with a smirk.

* * *

 **A/N THIS IS PROBABLY THE WORST CHAPTER IN THS ENTIRE BOOK X'DDD Anyway, if you like, stay tuned. They're really gonna get some in the next chapter.**

 **-Jeca1347**


	7. Chapter 7

She climbed on top of him and straddled his waist, giggling. Beca Mitchell does not GIGGLE. She laughs, and it's adorable. But she does not giggle. Jesse can't help but smile at this beautiful woman straddling his waist. And she's completely naked. Wow. Swanson, never underestimate yourself again.

She ground on him, causing his hips to roll and his mouth ro realease a husky groan. A devilish smile broke out onto her face. She leaned down to capture his lips in a soft passionate kiss and ground her hips down on his, gasping at the sensation on her desperate core.

"Beca,"he held her face, stopping the kiss, "I'm not going to last long to you, if you carry on. You don't have to return the favour, I just wanted to make you feel better. Like you deserve to be."

Beca was tearing up at that answer, she never knew she'd find someone who could make her feel something. He kissed her nose and flipped them over gently, unzipping his pants.

"Is that a light saber over there, or are you happy to see me?" she said chuckling at his arousal poking through his boxers. She pawed at his erection and groped him in her hands, feeling how hard he was. He groaned at the pleasure an leaned down to kiss her neck. She sighed at how he had such a talented mouth.

"Mmm, Beca. You're so hot." Jesse mumbled against her breasts.

"Take me Jesse, I need you inside of me." At that Jesse tore off his boxers and lined himself up to Beca's core.

"Are you sure you want this Bec?" he said looking sweetly down at her.

"Yes!" she nearly cried out because she could feel the tip of him touching her inner thigh.

He began kissing her neck, trailing down to her breast and taking a nipple in his mouth, as he thrust into her. She realeased a low moan at him completely filling her. He thrust into her, slowly, shallowly and at a soft pace. Beca wasn't going to last long if he kept this up. She opened her closed eyes and she could see Jesse's devilish smirk on his face. He was teasing her.

"Harder, Jess." she breathed out as she thrust her hips up in order to try at get more fricition.

"Someone's impatient," he smirked down at her as he picked up the pace.

The room was filled with laboured breaths, smells of sex, the moans of each other's name and the sound of slapping skin. Their orgasms came fast, Beca screaming out Jesse's name into his shoulder and Jesse moaning out Beca's.

* * *

"Jesse?" Beca asked as she lay cuddled up into his side, under the covers of her bed.

"Yeah Beca?" he answered while carresing her bare back.

"You're not going to tell anyone about me, right?" she asked looking up from lying her head on his chest, with tears threatening to spill.

"No ofcourse not Beca, but I will help you though. I don't like seeing a beautiful girl like you so hurt." he says as he kisses her on her lips.

She began to silently cry as he held her, "thank you..."

They were going to be okay.

* * *

 **A/N: I take back what I said about the previous one. THIS is the worst chapter. Stay tuned for more, and I'm sorry this chapter is suckish but eh, writers block sucks :/**

 **~ Jeca1347**


	8. Chapter 8

Jesse woke up in the morning, still feeling the effect from last night on himself. He sat up wearily and glanced around the room until his eyes landed on Beca, lying naked next to him. The blankets were covering her bare back, as she was lying on her side with her hands tucked under her chin. Her face was neutral and he could see the rise and fall of her small body as she slept. Her face had remants from last night, he could see the tear marks still lining her cheeks and her slightly swollen eyes.

Then he looked at her hands, her small and delicate little hands. He never got a close enough look at her arms last night. But he noticed all the scars and newly opened wounds and dried blood. It hurt to see that on her. It hurt to see such a beautiful girl, whose been hurt so much that she began taking a blade and dragging it across her pale skin.

He moved the blanket slightly so her hands were more exposed. Luckily, Beca Mitchell was a heavy sleeper, so she had just sighed in a dream like state. Jesse looked at her, more like lovingly stared, she was so beautiful. If he could he watch her sleep everyday for the rest of his life.

He focused back on her scarred hand, he saw all the rough like, angry scars. He saw all the horizontal scars, he wondered how she felt when she did it. He wanted to help her so badly. He wanted to just throw away those blades but he knew that wasn't a good idea. He was very keen in depression and psycological disorders. So he had learnt not to immediately take away,"their relievers of pain."

She quickly opens her eyes and is startled as she sees Jesse eyeing her as she sleeps.

"Jesus, Swanson. Aren't you a little stalker?" she giggles at his embarrased face when he was called upon for watching her like a creepy phsyco.

She sits up and wraps the cream coloured blanket around her and blushes as she looks down.

"That was...a fun night..." she never usually smiles so much, but she really couldn't stop smiling at the memory of last night.

Then suddenly she was filled with regret. Her gut practically sank down right into her legs. What if it was a mistake? What if he was just another idiot she started sleeping with, therefore earning her famous name: "Slut." She was always teased and talked about for being a slut, a whore, a prostitute. She was so messed up from the rape that she'd started sleeping around with random men. She was hurt so bad by those comments, the slight whispering whenever she walked down the hallways, the disgusting looks the "plastics" gave her, and no guy would come near her unless he was horny or an idiot.

She hated herself, she hated herself so much. She hated that she was weak, that she couldn't be loved. She hated that she was a fuck up. A worthless piece of shit.

Beca was so deep in thought she never noticed the tears creeping out from her eyelids and sliding down her cheeks. Jesse noticed this and placed his hand against her cheek, slowly and softly, wiping away the tears. She inhaled softly and looked up at him, his handsome brown eyes looked so comforting at that time.

"Bec? You alright?" he said looking at her. He could see her look down and close her eyes, to trap her hot tears in her eyelids. She hated being weak in front of people, but there was this thing about him. Like she could trust him.

"Nothing...I'm fine." and there it was. The Beca Mitchell her friends knew her as, the closed off, faking I'm fine girl. They didn't know her exact problems but one day Chloe walked in on Beca trying on her dress for a party (she never wanted to go and never knew why she agreed) and the redhead started freaking out in the room with Beca comforting her in nothing but a bra and underwear.

She got up from her bed and felt that familar pain again. That numb and hurt feeling she gets, it begs her to take out the blades. It begs her to drag them across her skin. And most of the time she gives up on fighting and just lets her hand do the talking. And cutting.

* * *

Jesse left later on so he could go home and get ready for a movie his family was going to later on.

That afternoon, Beca locked herself in the bathroom and let the blade take over her skin.

She lied in her bathtub, crying about her life. She hated it and she wanted to die. A small fraction of the water was stained with blood. She felt so numb and the pain was unbearable. That's when she had enough.

She lifted herself out quickly and opened her cupboard that contained her Xanax. She shuffled back to the tub and lowered herself in again before making more cuts on her skin, this time slicing her thighs (thank God Jesse didn't notice last night) and her waist as well as her arms.

Afterwards, she took a handful of Xanax and laid the bottle on the side. Her vision became blurry after a few minutes and her hand accidently knocked the bottle over.

Everything faded away and went black

* * *

 **A/N: Hehe, another cliff hanger. Stay tuned for more and sorry about the long wait.**

 **~Jeca1347**


	9. Chapter 9

Jesse walked home from his house, unusually happy. No it was not because he'd just seen a movie that he's been wanting to see for weeks. It was because he was going to see this beautiful girl, whom he recently made moan out his name in pleasure. He liked her. Alot. He didn't know what they were, but he didn't care. He just wanted to see her again.

But there was a problem. Jesse was standing at Beca's door. It was Saturday, so her parents were still out, so he decided to arrive at the door. She wasn't answering.

He began to text her. No reply. She _was_ a seldom texter. She chose when she would reply to people sometimes. She was never too eager. But it made Jesse worried when she never read any of the messages he sent in the last ten minutes. He then decided to throw small stones at her window, maybe she was taking a nap? Still no reply on his phone, or movement from the window. He then dialed her number and to no avail, she had not answered.

Jesse's face was red with worry and forcefully opened the front door by kicking it down. When he was inside he bolted towards her room, horrible thoughts and images running through his head.

He whipped open her wooden door and ran inside searching for her. She was not on her bed, she wasn't on the floor. She was not at her desk either. " _Where is she?"_ he thought.

He saw that there was a slight light coming from her bathroom door and quickly opened it.

His eyes widened and his lip quivered as he took in the sight.

There was, his beautiful girl, lying in a tub. Unconcious, her head almost slipping in. Her arm covered in cuts and emotions, her thighs too. There on the floor next to the tub laid a bottle of pills, that was spilt over the tiles. He saw her razor blade on the side of her tub, near it a few drops of blood.

He ran to her and shook her, not caring about the excess water splashing on him from her movements. She never even flinch, not a groan nor a moan escaped the girl's mouth.

He whipped out his phone and called nine one one.

"Hello nine one one, how may we be of your assitance?"

"Hi, um. My girlfriend...she...she's lying in a tub and she took some pills and I don't know what's wrong with her, she's not waking up. I think she tried to commit suicide. Her arm is bleeding because she cut it. Please help me." he said quickly, walking around the bathroom on the brink of tears. Infact, he WAS in tears. He was crying for his girl.

"Alright sir please relax, give me your current location and I will send help."

"Its 13 Avendale Road, near Baker Hall."

"Alright thank you. Please remain calm help will be there soon."

"Thank you." He hung up and wiped at the furious tears falling through his eyes.

* * *

About five minutes later, an ambulance and peramedics showed up. They ran up to her room, removed Beca and cleaned her up, then rushed her to hospital to pump her stomach. There was still hope.

Jesse was sitting in the waiting room, his head in his hands sobbing. It was 9:30pm. He was starting to loose hope. The Bellas (they're called that because only until recently did Jesse noticed Beca was in an a capella group therefore she hung out with them) were sitting across from him. Chloe was bouncing her knees anxiously and was tearing up quietly as she held her hand to her face. Amy, was very silent...she never cracked a joke at all. You could tell she was serious. Stacie sat with her hand in Donald's and openly cried and sniffed. Aubrey was pacing up and down, fighting the urge to blow chunks everywhere. Even though she really got off with the Alt Girl, she still loved her as a Bella. They were all so concerned. None of them had seen it coming. They never expected Beca, out of all people, to be like that.

About two minutes later a nurse came out of Beca's room and reported to her "family".

"Miss Mitchell had swallowed about eighteen pills. A dosage that high normally means that there is no hope. Luckily, we were able to pump her stomach. She's still going to temporarily very ill. That can include nausea, a fever and the usual fever symptoms. Make sure she is hydrated or she will pass out at any moment. You've got a really strong girl there."

Jesse wiped away his tears with relief to know that his girl is okay.

"Can we go see her?" he asked.

She nods her head, "but she is very drowsy. And hospital rules state that only two visitors in these rooms."

Jesse mutter words for thanks to the nurse and jogs to her room, stopping at her door. He readied himself for what he was about to see.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry it's short. School sucks ass :(**

 **I really hoped you are enjoying this story and now I'm about to go update my other story :) *sexxxy***

 **~Jeca1347**


	10. Chapter 10

Beeping. The beeping. That's the first thing he heard when he entered. The mechanic, slow beeping of the electrocardiograph monitor, keeping track of her heartbeat. The little green pixels, showing her small, fragile beating heart rate.

The room itself was very cold, reaking with the smell of hand sanitizer and medication. She was lying on her own bed, the white blanket covering her small body, which looked even smaller right at that moment. Her arm was heavily bandaged and her face was paler than it normally was.

He walked over to her side and took her pale hand in his, jerking at how cold it felt. However, it was still HER hands, it was still Beca. Even though she looked pale and sick, and it hurt him to think of her ending her life just like that.

Silent tears ran down his cheeks, he couldn't survive without Beca, she was special to him. Not in that sense that everyone IS special. But she was unique to him. He couldn't loose her.

He broke down, next to her, his hands hiding his sobbing face and his heart that was being pulled and shoved by an unconsicous Beca.

 _"I could've done more. Shit, why did I leave her alone?!"_ his thoughts whirled around his head. It poisoned him, he felt like an idiot for leaving her. Thank God she was still alive.

* * *

A day later Jesse was standing by her bed, praying for her to wake up. He had his head down on her bed and was holding her hand tightly, when he heard her voice. Her beautiful voice.

"Jesse?" it was raspy and quiet, but it was still human and he knew she was alive. Almost immediately, he englufed her in a bone crushing hug, uttering sweet encouragments and thankful quotes. She was breathing, thank God.

She lay still in his hug and looked down at herself after he'd let her go. She scanned her body, and stared at her bandaged arm.

After a little while she mumbled, "No... why? No. NONONONO. SHIT. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE," she eventually began fidgeting with her connections to the IV pole and she was angry. Jesse held her and told her to calm down, but to no avail, she worked him off her.

"SHIT. FUCK. WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME DIE?! YOU ASSHOLE! NO!I HATE YOU! FUCK YOU!" she angrily sobbed out loud as an alarm went off, causing a bunch of nurses and one doctor to walk in.

"Mr Swanson, you need to please the room." they ushered him out roughly, leaving him poorly scared as her heard Beca crying out and screaming at the doctor to leave her alone.

Luckily, the whole a cappella gang was walking to her room when they found Jesse to be pushed out.

"Jesse?!" Chloe called out, but he never turned his head. His eyes stayed focusing on the screams from inside as tears started to form.

She hated her. She called him an asshole. He tried to save her, but she pushed him away. He just fucked this up, didn't he?

"JESSE?!" Chloe was now infront of him, shaking his shoulders until he zapped back. He stared at Chloe's blue eyes, that held hope and happiness.

"She hates me..." he mumbled.

Without another word, he grabbed his stuff and left.

* * *

 **A/N: I AM SO SORRY BUT IS IT JUST ME OR ARE MY CHAPTERS GETTING MORE AND MORE SHITTIER?**

 **~Jeca1347**


	11. Chapter 11

Jesse walked furiously and quickly to his carm whilst wiping his tears of rejection away. He felt hurt, he felt mad, he felt useless. He felt unwanted by her.

He nearly ripped open the door of his car as he got in. When he was sure no one could see him, he broke down. He tried to help, he fucking saved her life, yet she shoved him away. Was he really just some stupid fling to her? He wasn't the fling type of guy at, the closest he got was a week's worth relationship with a girl on the track team. He regretted every single fraction of those seven days.

He fumbled with his keys and angrily stabbed the key hole with, pushing the car into drive. He found it hard to drive with tears trickling down his face.

He fucked up. Didn't he?

* * *

Meanwhile, the doctors had to deal with a thrashing Beca, pulling at the chords of her IV and yelling at them to leave her alone. Eventually she stoppped moving and just broke down, the nurses rubbed her back and soothed her while the doctor checked the equipment.

"I just wanna' die...why didn't you let me die?" she mumbled breathelessly as she cried into her hands,"I don't wanna live. Please? Just kill me with something, I promise I won't be angry..."

"Miss Mitchell, we want you to live alright? You're lucky that Mr Swanson brought you here."

"NO! I'M NOT LUCKY! I CAN'T STAND ONE MORE DAY WITH ME BEING ALIVE! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW BADLY I HATE MY EXISTENCE!" she lashed but this time she never touched anything.

"Beca? Can I call you that? Anyway, you are. Alot of people wouldve been hurt and lost. I'm not a pscylogist but we will be refering you to one soon."

And with that, he left leaving one nurse to stay with Beca until she fell asleep.

* * *

News had spread around in Barden that, "Beca Mitchell wanted to take her life, but had not succeeded." There were all kinds of rumors... the girls (who were not her friends at all) were actually very creeped out and wanted to steer away from the "freak." The Bellas, who were truly concerned about her checked on her evey day, phoned in, texted, what ever it be they checked. Even though she would be cold and almost never reply (and if she did they were one worded answers) they would still worry.

Jesse on the other hand, never talked to Beca again ever since that day. Days went by, and he slowly forgot about Beca Mitchell. He carried on with his studies, achieved A's, work in the Film Club, audition for plays, flirt with other blonde, tatty girls. Occasionaly, his mind did wonder to Beca. He wondered how she was doing. What she was thinking. How she was thinking. Hoping that she was better.

He did not want her back though. _"I deserve better,"_ he thought. She turned him down and shut her out, when he practically saved her life. She never evem thanked him for his gracious doings. He didn't care about her anymore. He just wondered. That's not caring...right?

* * *

 **HAHA. IM EVIL. Don't worry though, I got this story planned out and you'll love what I'll do :)**

 **CURRENTLY IM WORKING ON NEW STORIES AND STUFF SO YOU GUYS BETTER LOOK OUT 3**

 **~Jeca1347**


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